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Apr. 14th, 2007
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Apr. 14th, 2007 07:37 pmPage 77 seemed like a good enough place to stop for now. It felt like it anyway. I walked over to the jar of instant coffee, and opened it -
POP! The air pressure difference imploded the vacuum seal lid. I pulled it away and shook the jar a bit, letting the larger brown pebbles of dry coffee rise to the top, then poured some into my cup, measuring by eye as I've learned to do. Outside, people joked and talked. For all their troubles, they got to go through life as themselves from beginning to end. They could look in a mirror and they would see what they expected to, what they called themself. This was not so much the case for me and those of my ilk.
I was constantly agitated by the need to change this flesh. Going outside, speaking, anything really was fraught with anxiety of two different kinds fighting each other. I knew, hoped at least, but there was good reason to believe, that one day I would look in the mirror and see myself all the time, without preparation, without extension. Then I would get to know what their life was, the life of a real person.
POP! The air pressure difference imploded the vacuum seal lid. I pulled it away and shook the jar a bit, letting the larger brown pebbles of dry coffee rise to the top, then poured some into my cup, measuring by eye as I've learned to do. Outside, people joked and talked. For all their troubles, they got to go through life as themselves from beginning to end. They could look in a mirror and they would see what they expected to, what they called themself. This was not so much the case for me and those of my ilk.
I was constantly agitated by the need to change this flesh. Going outside, speaking, anything really was fraught with anxiety of two different kinds fighting each other. I knew, hoped at least, but there was good reason to believe, that one day I would look in the mirror and see myself all the time, without preparation, without extension. Then I would get to know what their life was, the life of a real person.