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Jun. 30th, 2008 04:54 amSo I didn't make it to Pridefest today, but I did have a wonderful time anyway.
And New Apartment? It shall be mine.
And New Apartment? It shall be mine.
Jun. 30th, 2008
(no subject)
Jun. 30th, 2008 02:39 pmYou know, all of you have become so eloquent about your lives, after years of this.
Me, it's like I've run out of words to express how I'm feeling/thinking/dwelling on this earth.
I can give you adjectives, and occasionally a poem, but most of those are no longer for public consumption.
I don't even know why it is, exactly. It just feels unseemly somehow, anti-magical and destructive to try and express my aspirations and feelings these days. The events themselves, are not much, just going places and seeing people. But these little things all carry so much import and meaning for me, and it's difficult somehow to find a way to translate that to you right now.
I'll give it a shot though. It's funny though, all the little plans and things that I keep making and they keep falling through, dying on the vine somehow. And yet again it feels like a tremendous amount of progress is being made, on some level. It's like I'm learning where not to go. I do know that I can't make any predictions anymore. I really can't tell what the future holds precisely for me these days only that it's going to be amazing. I think by not trying to know too much, the universal pattern matching engine might just slide me right into place, instead of me making all these wrong turns at albequerque, so to speak. I think I've been resisting something, running off chasing shiny things. I think I've been looking in the wrong direction and it's time to go inside. And not be afraid of what that might entail. Which means being prepared to stick to myself and my own laws.
It's a bit sad/scary because that could mean my very death in so many different ways. The funny thing is, I don't see myself dying so soon at all. Which means that somehow, by hook or by crook, I'm going to make it. The rybys will be built. And maybe it's better if I don't try to control or predict exactly how.
Sorry if that sounds insane. Maybe it is. But somehow, I don't think so.
Me, it's like I've run out of words to express how I'm feeling/thinking/dwelling on this earth.
I can give you adjectives, and occasionally a poem, but most of those are no longer for public consumption.
I don't even know why it is, exactly. It just feels unseemly somehow, anti-magical and destructive to try and express my aspirations and feelings these days. The events themselves, are not much, just going places and seeing people. But these little things all carry so much import and meaning for me, and it's difficult somehow to find a way to translate that to you right now.
I'll give it a shot though. It's funny though, all the little plans and things that I keep making and they keep falling through, dying on the vine somehow. And yet again it feels like a tremendous amount of progress is being made, on some level. It's like I'm learning where not to go. I do know that I can't make any predictions anymore. I really can't tell what the future holds precisely for me these days only that it's going to be amazing. I think by not trying to know too much, the universal pattern matching engine might just slide me right into place, instead of me making all these wrong turns at albequerque, so to speak. I think I've been resisting something, running off chasing shiny things. I think I've been looking in the wrong direction and it's time to go inside. And not be afraid of what that might entail. Which means being prepared to stick to myself and my own laws.
It's a bit sad/scary because that could mean my very death in so many different ways. The funny thing is, I don't see myself dying so soon at all. Which means that somehow, by hook or by crook, I'm going to make it. The rybys will be built. And maybe it's better if I don't try to control or predict exactly how.
Sorry if that sounds insane. Maybe it is. But somehow, I don't think so.