A bit better than it was... one side of the forest has been redeemed.

[ineffabelle]

So far I've found techniques for processing the sadness components of my low cycles, a sort of centering in time that makes it into an exquisite tragic pain/joy of existence type of feeling that is easy to tolerate and almost enjoyable. And I'm figuring out how to get past the guilt by marking the past off as a sort of film, making it grainier and less saturated so I can really intuitively grasp that it was literally someone else who did these things.
The future still haunts me though. Fear and shame are still difficult for me to deal with. But by conquering these other two demons of my cycle of pain, it's given me some sort of basic clue on how to approach the rest.
I can't formalize how I do these things yet, and so I can't really teach them to anyone yet. But give me time, just a little more... and I will get through the membrane separating myself and everything I need... to do.
Anger hasn't been as much of a problem for me since beginning my transformation... It flares up but doesn't linger, where there used to be endless painful storms of rage. In fact what wrath I have is much more focused on the immediate, more of a righteous indignation at those who cause others pain. I love the world and everything but it disappoints me sometimes, as one's children often do.

I had a delightful grilled tuna and baked potato lunch today with lemonade spiked with mint to drink. It was a good thing. I wish I could convey through this post how lovely this song is. I hope you're all doing well right now and I miss you all.

Comments

[tyrsalvia.livejournal.com]

[scottopic.livejournal.com]

Yeah.

And Anna, back atcha.

[amatorculus.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that.

"I can't formalize how I do these things yet, and so I can't really teach them to anyone yet."

I hope that when you do, you choose to write about it.